?

Log in

Bread crumbs - Glimpses of You

gillian_y posting in Glimpses of you
User: glimpsesofyou (posted by gillian_y)
Date: 2008-08-21 20:03
Subject: Bread crumbs
Security: Public
Tags:childhood
So I had this idea that I would write the story of my life up to this point. It isn't going to be linear story. It's going to be jumbled with horribly long side discussions that go nowhere. I doubt it will ever be published anywhere except the web. I want people to read it so I'm laying out bread crumbs.

This is a bread crumb.

Follow it to my journal. Read that. It'll give you a rough idea who I am. It's part of my story but not all of it. I'll be posting bits of my story as I write it, here and other places.

So this isn't too bare here is a glimpse of me:

I didn't know I was different as a kid. That is I didn't let myself know. I lied to myself. I promised myself anything not to know. I wanted so much to be normal. I fooled myself into believing everything would be fine as long as I confront it. Looking back now I can see the signs. Memories scattered throughout my past like bread crumbs leading me to one conclusion. I really wasn't like other boys. I felt more like a girl. I was good at hiding it, good at fooling myself. Even in my darkest hours of depression I never let myself think if I was a girl things would be better. I just suffered the pain of being incomlepte and not knowing why.

Twenty plus years of denial do not just go away. They haunt me but I'm trying to learn how not to let them define me. Even now as I type, I am a woman, a part of me feels fear of exposure. It wants to run away and pretend everything is just fine the way it is. This is my biggest hurdle.

This is not all my story but it is a large part of it.
Post A Comment | 1 Comment | Share | Link






Gretchen
User: curvature
Date: 2008-08-24 01:46 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Welcome :)
Reply | Thread | Link



browse
my journal
February 2011